Ready or Not

It kinda makes me sick to my stomach to think about Deacon's evaluation through the school board tomorrow.  I knew this day would come, but gosh, it feels like it came way too fast.  And the reason why it makes me sick is because it means that stuff is about to get real. I feel like the school phase and the IEPs and all of the other things soon to be on our plates is when the adversity will begin.  In fact, I know it is, because I already had to write my first advocacy email next week.  When you call a preschool to inquire about their openings and they tell you "we're not equipped" to take him when all they have heard are the words Down Syndrome, it's like a punch in the gut!  Never mind the fact that he walks, talks, interacts with peers, is really not that different from other kids his age, and requires no extra aid or certification.  Thank you, Jesus, that it was a big misunderstanding caused by a lack of communication! The director called back within five minutes of me hitting the send button sincerely apologetic and regretful of how it went down, and he is now on the waiting list there.  And also, thank you, Mom, for writing the email for me when I was too angry to write it myself.  I knew she couldn't be mean and would be more professional than me, so I asked her to do it.  I would have been the one feeling awful after her phone call if I had sent the email I really wanted to send, but I'm really trying to work on being more like Jesus in situations that really just make me want to lose my religion.  Especially after I embarrassed myself at a snow cone stand the other day.  I didn't realize that a line had formed behind me, and I wish I could apologize for the awkwardness.  But I mean, come on...if you are buying FOUR snow cones, you would think a guy could sell you a small extra cup for less than the cost of another snow cone.  It's not like I was asking for it for free, but dude wasn't lettin' up.  Obviously it doesn't take much for me.

I know that this is only the beginning, and that we won't always have the happy ending that we had in the preschool situation.  Up until now, we have just been able to enjoy him as a toddler without worrying about any of the mumbo jumbo that comes with his diagnosis. Yeah, we have therapy, but we have been very blessed with those services.  Our therapists are our friends, they come to our house, are always on his side, and have helped me coast through all of his meetings without any bumps in the road.  But now, I have to become educated myself.  I have to learn what his rights are and how to fight for him to get all of the services he needs and deserves.  I guess this is something I should have been learning more about before, but I chose to block it out and not think about it, because I have that right.  Or had that right.  Not anymore.  So if any of you Mommas that have gone before me have any advice, I'm all ears!  Also, I'm requesting prayers...For Deacon, that he will not be the stinker that he can be and just tell them, "NO!" to everything.  When I told him he had to take a test tomorrow and that he better do good he said, "No, I not!"  (It doesn't help that he has a double ear infection this week.) Please pray for me as they tell me the results and what he does or does not qualify for and that I can easily find his birth certificate and social security card. They called as I was typing this to tell me it was a requirement to bring them. Glad they did.  Apparently I didn't read all the way through my letter.  Don't judge.  I'll be completely honest with you, my life is one big, unorganized, chaotic, beautiful mess.  However, you'll be happy to know (Mom) that the adoption process is forcing us to slowly but surely get it together.  Finally, please pray for my husband, who has to deal with me if I'm not happy with the results.    Hopefully it will all go smoothly, and we won't have anything to worry about, but I have a habit of preparing myself for the worst.  Maybe I should bring back the "WWJD" bracelets just incase. ;)

On top of the evaluation, I have the back to school blues.  Please tell me that I'm not the only mom that gets all sad and lonely when her kids go back to school.  It only lasts a few weeks, and then I embrace the "me" time (or the me & Deacon time), but right now I'm still in a funk.  The same one I get in after Christmas is over.  It doesn't help that my son goes into fourth grade and all of the sudden comes home wanting to talk about very deep controversial and political issues. So, um, now not only can we please go back to summer, but can we also please go back to last week when all my nine year old wanted to talk about was things like Minecraft & Clash of Clans?  I know I said that stuff was boring, but I take it back.  I would be happy to talk with him about it now.  Heck, I'd even play it with him if we could just change the subject!  I swear, all of my kids are growing up so fast that it makes me not even want to blink!  

I have so much to be thankful for, and I know that my problems are SO minuscule compared to what so many others are facing that it almost feels wrong to vent.  However, this is my space.  These are my struggles. They are real.  And I like to keep it real.  But I'll end my pity party now.  And I'll leave you with some highlighted moments from our summer. Although I'm sad that they are over, I'm so happy and thankful that they happened.

Make it Happen

Do you ever feel like you have one million, three hundred, thirty thousand things/ideas rolling around in your head everyday? Things you want to, need to be, should be doing?

I do.

Do you ever feel so overwhelmed by all these things, because you don't know where to start or which one to do first, so you don't do anything?

I do.

I want to sell my house, move to the country, get a dog, raise chickens, plant my own garden, and watch my kids explore the outdoors on a daily basis.  To do that, I have to get my house in sellable condition which means fix and patch, get caught up on and stay on top of cleaning and laundry, clean out the garage (again), and have a garage sale.  Then I have to figure out where we are going to live while we build, pack up a house, and put the kids in a new school or entertain my homeschool thoughts.

But I can't seem to get any of that done, because at the same time I always have my mind on our adoption.  I'm exploring fundraisers, and working on a dream that I've had for quite sometime now that would start out as a way for us to help fund the adoption, but then turn into a full-time mission project.  I don't have all the details worked out.  I just dream, and play around with my ideas, and try to figure out ways to make it work each day.

Then, there is my photography...I'd like to do more of it.  Get more creative.  Expand my horizons in that area.  Experiment.

Every Monday there is the battle of starting to eat healthy, planning out meals, and exercising.  That one always goes straight out the window by Tuesday and every now and then I make it to Wednesday.

And there's always the desire to do something for the Down Syndrome community...get more involved, meet new people, and create awareness.

So yesterday, when I was headed through the checkout line at TJMaxx, this coffee cup caught my eye.

Without a second thought, I scooped it up and bought it. Mainly because 90% of the time I'm sitting on my rear-end sipping on a cup of coffee while talking and dreaming about these things.  "Make it Happen!" I thought about it all of the way home.  I've got to stop letting laziness, lack of discipline and self-control, and fear of failure, change, and uncertainty get in my way.  The only person that can make my dreams a reality is me.

It's also been on the back of my mind to take the kids to see this trail of sunflowers that is about an hour away and do a photo shoot with them.   So this morning, I succumbed to my laziness, woke up at 4:30, and we all headed out for a sunrise photo shoot.  Today, I made something happen. The results were everything I dreamed they would be.  And it felt good.

 Tomorrow-Garage sale!

Hopefully by next week, I can get my project kicked off, and proceed to the next step in the adoption.

Whatever it is that you've been putting off, I hope you find the strength to "Make it Happen! ;)

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13