God is Good

It may sound crazy, but I see life in pictures...I mean I'm backing out of the driveway,  I see the neighbor's little girl pushing her big brother in his car down the driveway, and I want to run back in, grab my camera and capture it!  Each day presents so many beautiful moments that we get to capture in our minds, hearts, and sometimes with our cameras.  I used to miss so many moments, but now I notice so many small details that I never would have before Deacon was born.

For example, I can not tell you when Noah or Anna Grace smiled for the first time, reached out, crawled, said their first words, and I can barely remember what age they learned to walk.  I just took it for granted that they would breeze through those milestones with flying colors, like they did. With Deacon, I can tell you exactly when he smiled, because I waited patiently for that smile. I can tell you exactly when he made his first sounds, sat up for the first time, and gave his first high five.  And I can guarantee you that you will know when he gets this whole crawling thing figured out, because we are working hard on that each day.

Each month a group of ladies from my church gets together for "Mom Time."  We get to eat good good, do a bible study related to raising our kids, and we make a cute craft.  For the past few months, I have not been able to attend, but was lucky to get to go last Friday night.  We had a great time!  During the get together, a friend of mine read us a book by Karen Kingsbury called "Let Me Hold You Longer."   This is the poem from the book:

Long ago you came to me,
a miracle of firsts,
First smiles and teeth and baby steps,
a sunbeam on the burst.

But one day you will move away
and leave to me your past
And I will be left thinking of
a lifetime of your lasts…

The last time that I held a bottle
to your baby lips
The last time that I lifted you
and held you on my hip.

The last night when you woke up crying,
needing to be walked,
When last you crawled up with your blanket,
wanting to be rocked.

The last time when you ran to me,
still small enough to hold.
The last time that you said you’d marry
me when you grew old.

Precious, simple moments and
bright flashes from your past-
Would I have held on longer if
I’d known they were your last?

Our last adventure to the park,
your final midday nap,
The last time when you wore your favorite
faded baseball cap.

Your last few hours of kindergarten,
those last few days of first grade,
Your last at bat in Little League,
last colored picture made.

I never said good-bye to all
your yesterdays long passed.
So what about tomorrow-
will I recognize your lasts?

The last time that you catch a frog
in that old backyard pond.
The last time that you run barefoot
across our fresh-cut lawn.

Silly, scattered images
will represent your past.
I keep on taking pictures,
never quite sure of your lasts…

The last time that I comb your hair
or stop a pillow fight.
The last time that I pray with you
and tuck you in at night.

The last time when we cuddle
with a book, just me and you
The last time you jump in our bed
and sleep between us two.

The last piano lesson,
last vacation to the lake.
Your last few weeks of middle school,
last soccer goal you make.

I look ahead and dream of days
that haven’t come to pass.
But as I do, I sometimes miss
today’s sweet, precious lasts…

The last time that I help you with
a math or spelling test.
The last time when I shout that yes,
your room is still a mess.

The last time that you need me for
a ride from here to there.
The last time that you spend the night
with your old tattered bear.

My life keeps moving faster,
stealing precious days that pass,
I want to hold on longer-
want to recognize your lasts…

The last time that you need my help
with details of a dance.
The last time that you ask me for
advice about romance.

The last time that you talk to me
about your hopes and dreams.
The last time that you wear a jersey
for your high school team.

I’ve watched you grow and barely noticed
seasons as they pass.
If I could freeze the hands of time,
I’d hold on to your lasts.

For come some bright fall morning,
you’ll be going far away.
College life will beckon
in a brilliant sort of way.

One last hug, one last good-bye,
one quick and hurried kiss.

One last time to understand
just how much you’ll be missed.

I’ll watch you leave and think how fast
our time together passed.
Let me hold on longer, God,
to every precious last.

Although, you need a box of tissues to get through the book, it really makes you think about appreciating each moment that you have with your children! It definitely goes by way too fast!

And speaking of appreciating moments, here are a few that made me smile this weekend...

Taking the kids to see Memie for the first time since she started her treatments.

Watching them play "Tennis"...

Driving past our first house, and thinking about all of the sweet memories made there. I loved that place, and I sure wish it would have had more bedrooms!

Our family dinner at Strawns, where as a sweet old lady walked by my table, she leaned down and whispered in my ear, "You sure have some beautiful children!" Good thing she didn't notice them five minutes earlier when they were licking the jelly out of the packets like they had never eaten before!

Observing the kids showing off their new tattoos..."It's a Hard Knock Life!"

Catching sister in Deacon's exersaucer...

And I did more than smile when I noticed sister including Deacon in her extracurricular activities...

And last, but not least, as I drove home the other day, I heard a song that made me smile. It's called "You are Good" by Point of Grace.  I remember a few days after Deacon was born my mom told me about this song.  It meant a lot to me then, but poor me, I had no idea what had just happened to our family...I thought it was something really bad.  As I look back over the past 9 months, I realize now...more than ever... how good God really is!