Perfectly Imperfect

So I had every intention of writing a post-Christmas post. Didn't happen. Then there was that idea to write a New Year's reflection post and talk about how much my life changed in 2012 and discuss the "one word" that I intended to focus on this year. Yeah, that didn't happen either. That one word was discipline, and I need lots of discipline in my life...in my spiritual life, housework, parenting-skills, health & fitness, finances, work, etc. I am continuing to fail in pretty much all of those areas, but hey, there's always tomorrow, right?

I think I am finally coming to grips with the fact that I am just never going to be one of those got-it-all-together moms. There will be days (or in my case here lately, weeks) when my house is a wreck, and my laundry room is overflowing with piles of clean clothes, dirty clothes, and who knows. My kids are gonna act like fools sometimes ok...a lot of times, and all of my patience WILL go out the window. And NO, Dustin, I don't care that the door is open and the neighbors might have heard me screaming. Sometimes I will forget, or heck just might not be financially able to pay a bill at the time it's due. It happens. And then, unfortunately, there will be days when I miss out on my daily devotionals or prayer time. I flat out don't have will power to say no to that World's Finest Chocolate bar that Noah is selling, and I can't always find time to go to the gym or work out everyday. And the chances are that I'm probably never going to be skinny. Sadly, I don't get a chance to do therapy with Deacon everyday like I would like to. Also, as awesome as it would be, I am probably never going to be the top Kelly's Kids rep or an A-list photographer. And although I consider myself to be a crafty person, I can't even sew a button on, much less attempt using a sewing machine. But I think it would be the coolest thing ever to be able to whip up a pillow, homemade doll, or some curtains. And let's just face it, as far as cooking dinner for my family goes, unless it comes out of a box, bag, or can be made with a can of crescent rolls or some kind of cream of something...it ain't happening. Thank the Lord I married a man that likes to cook.  And well... being on time for things, I promise we try...we really do. Oh, and my car...my poor car. For anyone who has to ride with me, I must apologize ahead of time for the smell and the pile of junk, trash, and crumbs that they will have to remove in order to have a seat. Do I beat myself up over all of it? No. Ok. Well, maybe sometimes.

I'm not saying that I don't have any intentions of improving in these areas, because I do. I think I am just putting that all out there to convince mainly myself that when I fail, it is ok. My life is not perfect...never has been, never will be. Nobody's is. However, it's perfect for me.  I am figuring out more and more especially over this past year who that ME really is and what she wants. I have spent too many years worrying about  "Keeping up with the Joneses." To heck with the Joneses! That is way too tiring. I just wanna be me!  Do I still like nice things? Yes. Do I live for them? No.  My focus has taken a huge turn away from things and is way more directed at experiences. I have this zest for life that I've never experienced before. I am just so grateful for the beautiful little life and family that God has given me. Each day is a gift...I just want to enjoy it, and I want to give back.

Not too long ago, I was at Barnes and Noble and out of the corner of my eye, this little book caught my attention. The front cover read More Than a Bucket List: Making your dreams, passions, and faith a reality. I turned it over, and the back cover read, "Everyone dreams about a life of meaning and purpose, whether in grand adventures or in the everyday, a life that is marvelous and messy, fantastic and frightening, spilling over with adventure, grace, trials, joy...and ridiculous bouts of laughter.  We want to experience life to the fullest while living a life that matters." I knew I had to have that book, because that is exactly what I want in my life. I want to lead a fulfilling, adventurous life while at the same time being faithful to God.  Now, who knows if I will ever get the opportunity to go deep-sea diving in the Great Barrier Reef , get lost in Tokyo, or eat cannoli in Italy like the book says. I mean, I seriously doubt it. But it also gives suggestions to serve a day in a charity or ministry outside of my comfort zone, go on a mission trip, share the gospel with someone who has never heard it, or simply ask someone how I can pray for them.  Now these things I can definitely do, as long as I am willing.  I want to be willing.  I am not wishing for my life to be extravagant...just meaningful. And it definitely does not have to be perfect to be meaningful.

And with that, I will finish by sharing some moments that have been meaningful to me over the past few months.

I was blessed to be able to take the trip I've always dreamed of taking...New York at Christmastime. Talk about knocking some things off of the bucket list! This was an amazing and unforgettable trip.

Walking hand-in-hand with my Hunny through Central Park.

Looking out over the top of the Empire State Building.

Visiting a 9-11 Memorial...very touching.

Taking in every detail of this amazing city and all that it has to offer.

Getting a hot dog from several different vendors-this was Wall St.

Watching Dustin jump in with a choir and sing Christmas carols outside the public library.

And of course the tree at Rockefeller Center that I've wanted to see every since I first saw Home Alone 2.

And I was unable to capture it on camera, but visiting a Sunday morning service at The Brooklyn Tabernacle was by-far one of the most amazing parts of this trip. That choir. The worship. The diversity. Indescribable.   

And then there was Christmas with the kids. To me, it truly is one of the most wonderful times of the year. From decorating together...

To dance parties...

...and all of the in-between. It was a wonderful Christmas Season!

Memories have been made.

 And milestones have been met.

And last, but not least, Big Boy got glasses. We still have to get them adjusted, but it was so awesome to watch him be able to see us for the first time from across the room. Of course, I know I am kinda partial, but I think he is absolutely adorable in them!

I owe my change of heart all to God. When He gave me Deacon, He allowed me to see perfection not through society's eyes, but through His.  I think it is pretty safe to say that I am quite content with my perfectly imperfect life. :)