A Blessing and not a Burden

I remember being"that mom."  The one who was all about so-called perfection.  The one who worried too much about what other people thought.  The one who wanted her kid to be ahead of the game.  Smarter than the average child.  Ahead of his age group in milestones. And magnet school was do or die in my mind.  Heaven-forbid my child was behind in anything or appeared to be different from "the norm."  I was the mom who would look at another mom who had a child with a disability and feel sorry for her in my head.  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would one day be one of those moms.

One of the world's most popular hymns is Amazing Grace.  I have sung it on many, many occasions.  But never have the lyrics stood out to me more than they have over the past year and a half..."I once was lost, but now I'm found. Was blind, but now I see." That's how I feel.  I feel like I was lost and blind before I had Deacon, but now I see.

I remember laying in the hospital bed crying my eyes out after his diagnosis.  Feeling sorry for myself.  Thinking to myself, I know I'm not supposed to ask, but "Why me, God? Why me?"  And now I ask, "Why me, God? What did I do to deserve such a blessing?!"

The desires of my heart have drastically changed since Deacon came into my life.  He has made me want to become a better person.  He makes me want to dream big and set goals that may seem unattainable or even outlandish to some.  He makes me want to be different.  Set apart.  Not like everyone else.  He makes me want to slow down and appreciate each day, and not just rush through one trying to get to the next.  Because of him, my heart has grown to care more about others than I do about myself.  He makes me want to love what the world perceives as the unlovable.  Overall, he makes me want to be more "Christ-like."

I cannot even begin to explain to you how proud I am of this boy.  Things that come natural for most are not easy for him, but he doesn't let that stop him.  He just does everything in his own time frame.  He crawls, sings, dances, talks, and he can cop an attitude with the best of them.  Especially when it comes to his food.  The boy loves his food!

The other morning, he was moaning in his crib, so I put him in the bed with me hoping he would sleep a little longer so that I could too.  No such luck.  He began saying "bite" and tapping his little fingers to my lips as if saying it AND signing it would be more effective.  Laying on my back, I rolled him onto my belly.  We were face to face and I told him, "Shhh!" He looked at me, put his little pointer finger over his mouth, and said "Shhh!" right back to me.  Something I had never taught him.  I was no longer worried about going back to sleep, but instead woke Dustin up so Deacon could shush him too, and we could all celebrate.  Come to find out, his aunt had done this to him at a restaurant the night before when he was impatiently screaming for his food.  Apparently, he caught on quick to that one.

I love how excited he gets too when he's done something he knows is a big deal.  He gets the biggest grin ever on his face and begins clapping for himself.  Right now, our goal is walking.  Sure we work on it, but it doesn't worry me or bother me that he is not doing it yet.  He's trying. And just like everything else he's done, when it's time for him to get it, it will just click and he will take off.  Right now he is getting brave enough to stand for a few seconds without holding on.  He eats up the attention he gets from it.  I love it.

It bothers me when I hear mom's stressing over the fact that their typical child is "behind" on crawling or walking or is not talking or doing something else as much as other children their age.  Granted, I used to be the same way, but I've learned...It's OK!  I think I've said it before, but one of my favorite quotes and something I have to remind myself of from time to time is "Comparison is the thief of joy."  This is so true!  If we spend our days comparing ourselves, our children, our lives to someone else's, we miss out on so much.  I could spend my time dwelling on the fact that Deacon is nearly two and not walking, but instead, I savor the moments that I get to hold him, love on him, and breathe in the scent of his baby-shampooed hair before the day comes that he wants to get down, take off, and not have much to do with me.  I have a feeling that day is not too far off.  He's already becoming a little busy body.  Constantly wanting to get into everything, but what he's supposed to. :)

I dream of his future everyday.  Wondering what things he will do? What accomplishments he will achieve?   Just as I dream about all of my kids' futures.  But with Deacon, it's different, because I dream of what odds he will defy.  I so badly want him to rise above the stigmas associated with his diagnosis, and I have no doubt that he will.  Just yesterday morning, my cousin called me full of excitement.  She was sitting at Starbucks, and in walked a tall, slender, handsome young man.  He placed his order, and then came and sat down beside her.  When he got up to get his drinks, he told everyone to have an amazing day.  It was at that point that she noticed that he had Down Syndrome.  He got his drinks, got into his own truck by himself, and drove away.  Oh, the hope that gives me for my baby boy's future!

So, if there is anyone who feels sorry for me, in all honesty, I feel sorry for them.  Having a child with a disability is not a burden to me, but is instead one of the biggest blessings I have ever received!


My life is richer...

 My days are brighter...

My faith is stronger...

And my heart is bigger...

 Because of him!