Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Out of Control & Saying Yes

Our house is for sale right now.  We are in the middle of an international adoption.  Both of these things have major effects on our daily life.  I don't know when we will be moving.  I don't know when we will be traveling to China to bring home our daughter.  In my perfect world, both would take place before the end of the year, but that may not be what God has in store for us.  It's SO hard not knowing and just trusting in His perfect will for our lives.  Our future feels very hazy.  I feel like I'm in limbo and find myself desiring things to be certain and steady.  But that's not life.  Life is uncertain.  I mean, on this day one year ago, we were in a place that we never dreamed we would be...sitting in a hospital waiting room in Memphis while my nephew underwent surgery to remove his cancerous brain tumor.  There are some things you just simply cannot prepare for no matter how hard you try.

For the most part, I do okay handling things out of my control, but after a while, I start to go a little bit (or maybe a lot) crazy.  Then God slaps me in the face with verses like, "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." (Proverbs 17:9) and "We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall." (Proverbs 17:33) And once again, I am reminded that I may be on the boat, but I am not the captain.  There is someone much bigger than me steering this ship of life, and I have to trust in His plans and timing.  In the meantime, I will keep telling myself to just try to enjoy the ride.  And will continue praying for direction, guidance, and finances each step of the way.

Since I don't have control over much else, I have been micromanaging my kids.  Running this place like a dang bootcamp trying to make sure that our house stays show-ready at (almost) all times. Of course the only surefire way to do that is to never be home.  I've been answering "No" to anything that could possibly make a mess or get out hand.  But today, I tried to be a "Yes!" Mom.

"Can I have popcorn chicken for breakfast?" Whatever.
"Can we play in the rain?" Sure. Watch for lightening.

"Mom, will you play with us?" Why not?! :)

I must say I was pretty pleased with the results.  Now, lets just hope they don't call to show our house today, because it is a MESS!