Finding Joy in the Journey

Structured and planners are not adjectives regularly used to describe me or my husband.  I have good intentions.  I do.  But here's what happens, I say okay guys on Tuesday, we're going to do A, B, & C so that on Wednesday all we have to do is D, and then before we can get to C, X jumps in to throw us for a curve-ball and D never takes place.   Happens all the time.  Our most recent unexpected event was a trip to the ER followed by a two-night stay in the hospital, and Deacon being put in a nearly full-body cast for six weeks. Dang you, X!


It's been a little over two weeks since Brother broke his femur.   For those of you who don't know what happened, Noah was doing his homework when Deacon came in and snatched it off his desk.  Noah leaned forward to grab it back, lost balance, and both he and the desk fell over and landed on Deacon's leg.  Dustin was in the room with them when it happened.  He came into the living room all calmly with Deacon crying his head off, set him down, and said, "Ok.  Don't freak out, but..." I've learned that when his sentences start with those words, it's going to be just cause to freak out.  As soon as I saw his leg, I said, "Get in the car, let's go!"  Only we can't go, because by then Noah is beside himself and has "run away".  We found him four houses down.  We assured him that it was not his fault, and coaxed him into the car only to realize that Sister was missing.  For some reason, "We think brother has a broke his leg and we have to go to the emergency room right now!" translated to her as go to your room, pack a big bag full of random stuff, change out of your school uniform into a cute outfit, and put on a bra. (Seriously, a bra? She's SEVEN! And if you're wondering where she got it from, it's one of those cool, cousin hand-me-downs that she's so proud of. Thanks, Aunt Sharon!) Meanwhile, brother is in excruciating pain.

I rode in the back seat with him.  It felt like it took forever to get to the hospital.  He was just crying and crying and looking at me with fear and pain in his eyes.  It broke my heart to watch.  Three hours later, he finally got his first dose of pain medicine.  I'm sharing the picture of his x-ray with you to show you what a trooper he was! I don't think I would have handled what he went through so well.  Actually, I know I couldn't have.  The x-ray alone would have sent me over the edge.

This boy is so stinkin' independent that he refused to let me help him eat.  He was determined to figure out how to hold the cup and get the goldfish into his mouth by himself with one hand taped up.  If I tried to touch it, he very imperatively yelled, "STOP!" I appreciate the independence, but the stubbornness...not so much.  He's been pretty demanding lately.  He sits in his beanbag and yells, "I hungry!" "I want puzzle!" "I want IPAD!" "I want CUP!"  "I want Barney!" For the most part, he gets what he wants.  We might be creating a monster, but you do what you have to do to maintain your sanity! And I've got to give him props for using complete sentences.

 

Anyway, so here we are.  Making it.  One day at a time.  It's no piece of cake.  It's pretty annoying actually, but it could always be worse.   I'm learning the tricks.  Like when he is completely inconsolable, and I  feel helpless, because I don't know if he's mad, sleepy, frustrated, or hurting...if I just go into meltdown mode with him and start crying too, he stops.  It's like magic.  I've decided I'm  just going to start losing it sooner, and we should be alright. ;)

Ironically, he was wearing his "Find Joy in the Journey" shirt the day he broke his leg.   And that's exactly what we are trying to do.  It might be walking outside and listen to him belly laugh as he touches the rain. Or hopping in the car with the windows rolled down, driving to Sonic for a slushy, and watching him raise his hands, close his eyes, and smile as the wind hits him in the face.  It's always there, some days we just have to work a little harder to find it.

"...for the JOY of the Lord is your strength." (Nehemiah 8:10)

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for JOY, and with my song I praise him." (Psalm 28:7)

Whatever you're going through, I hope you are able to find the joy in your journey too. :) God bless!

A Bunch of Randomness

You know that moment when you try to take a picture on your phone, and you realize that you can't, because you have 2,000 photos, 30 videos, and your memory is full? So then you go to delete some of them real quick, but you have a hard time deciding which ones to let go of, because you just love going back and looking at them and remembering those moments. Ok, maybe you don't know, but that's me.  A lot of the time.  And I feel like that's my brain right now. I have 2,000 thoughts in my head and 30 ideas, and I know it has been forever since I blogged and I need to, but I just don't know which thoughts to let go of and share so I haven't written anything.  So I'm just going to "delete" a few of my random thoughts.  Here they are in no particular order...

1.  I miss my Popie.  He's been gone for four years today, and I really wish I could sit in his shop with him, drink a cup a coffee, and see his smile one more time. 

2.  Anna Grace turns 7 tomorrow. SEVEN! It just doesn't seem right.  In my head, she should still be two standing on my ottoman singing "I'm a Little Teapot", dancing to "All the Single Ladies", and saying "Holla atcha guuurl!" because that seems like that was just yesterday.

3.  I love St. Jude! My life will never be the same after going there and having it be a part of my life.  My nephew Hayden went back for his MRI and spinal tap this week.  It has almost been a year since he was diagnosed with his brain tumor, but PRAISE GOD HE IS STILL CANCER FREE!  I wish I could give back to St. Jude and also give all of the Momma's and Daddy's there a hug and tell them how much I admire them.  I've been to a lot of Doctor's appointments with Deacon here lately and waited hours in the waiting room.  When I would get frustrated about the wait, I would try to think of my time at St. Jude with my Brother and Sister-in-Law.  And I picture them and the other parents there and the days upon days and hours upon hours that they spent in a Doctor's office with their children, and I would realize that I have no room to complain.  We've been dealing with petty stuff such as stopped up tear ducts and fluid in the ears, but my heart aches to think of what these parents face.

4.  I wonder if the adoption process seems as hard for others as it does for me.  Dustin and I are natural-born procrastinators which makes it even more difficult.  I just want my daughter.  I want to know who she is.  I want to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I dream about her and love her.  I want to tell her how much her brother and Sister love her too.  How when we finished watching Annie, Noah said, "I wish we could go get our Sister like right now!"  And how every time we clean out anything from Anna Grace's room she asks me to save it for her Sister.  We are slowly but surely getting closer.  We are almost the the point where we have done our part paperwork-wise and will wait for God, our agency, & China to do the rest.  We are just taking the process one step at a time.  I cannot look too far ahead of time, because if I do it will stress me out.  It took me forever to start maneuvering our way through the Dossier, because the paperwork scared me.  And the money! Oh my goodness, the money! I know the Lord will provide, but we also have to do our part.  Any good fundraiser ideas would be greatly appreciated!  I've said it before, but my motto has always been "Where there's a will, there's a way!"

5.  There has been so much tragedy around us here lately.  We have lost some people that were very near and dear to us one of those being my husband's Aunt Debbye.  We miss her so much!  It is still so hard to believe that she is gone and that the kids cannot run next door to Aunt Mamme's house when they are at Meme's house and get their bottled coke and Beanie baby from her prize basket.  And we wish the phone would ring late at night just one more time.  My heart hurts for all those who have lost loved ones lately, especially those that were such tragic situations.  Please cherish every moment, Friends.  You just don't know which day will be your last, so make the most of each one.

6.  On a lighter note, I need to stop watching "Fixer Upper"!  It's become my thing in the morning.  I have my .  It's killing me, because A.  I am ready to move.  I am ready to simplify.  And for my farmhouse and chickens and a yard where I can watch my kids explore before they are not into exploring anymore. And B. I want to be friends with Chip and Jo.  They are cool and funny and so creative.  I just love them and wish they would fix me up a house.

7.  I hate laundry! I have piles and piles of it in my laundry room and that is what I should be doing right now, but I'm boycotting it today.  I never buy myself nice clothes, and I was reminded this morning why.  I was digging in what I hope was the clean baskets for school uniforms when I found the one shirt that I bought myself recently with mounds of bubblegum stuck to it.  Apparently someone caught some Double Bubble at the Mardi Gras parade last weekend and left it in their pockets. Sigh!

I have many more random thoughts, but it is time for me to go get birthday donuts for Sister's class, so now I will leave you with random pictures from the past few months where I have been MIA on here.  And they are in no particular order too, because I don't have time. 

 

Some Good News and a GIVEAWAY!

In many posts, I have shared the desires of my heart and how they have changed since Deacon was born.  I've longed to find a way to make a difference in this world. To find my place.  My purpose.  I don't want to just exist.  I don't want to live selfishly.  I want to be used.  I want to help others.  However, I don't always have the resources to help in the way that I'd like to.  We are in the process of simplifying our lives and opening up some of those resources, but the transition and the in-between is kinda making me crazy.  I'm constantly having to remind myself to "Be Still" and wait for God's timing on that part of it.  

If you've read any of my more recent posts, you've heard me talk about a project that I have been working on.  That project has a name.  It's called the "Be the Light Project".  Matthew 5:16 says "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven."  That's what this idea is based upon.  I want to be a light.  When people see me, I want them to see Christ in me.  The desire of my heart is to live like He lived and to love like He loved.  I don't always do a good job of it, but thank goodness for His grace, love, forgiveness, and His mercy.

I've had several ideas about what I could do, but I've allowed myself to feed into the lies that Satan has put in my head that it would never work.   That my ideas were dumb.  That I would just be another person selling something and that people won't really like my products or buy them.  I recently read a quote that said "The difference in who you are and who you want to be is what you do." And I'm tired of wanting to do something, but doing nothing.  So here goes.  I'm starting by selling handmade necklaces with my own personal designs and will soon add t-shirts.  Necklaces & T-shirts? I know right...everybody and their Momma sells this kind of thing on Etsy and everywhere else.  I promise you I don't think that necklaces and t-shirts are going to make me rich nor do I think will they will change the world.  But it is something I know and something I can do. And it's better than nothing.  I have no desire to be rich, but I do long to make a difference in someone's life. No matter how big or small.  

Right now we are working towards making the difference in the life of a little girl.  Our daughter.  We don't know who she is, but we love her.  We long to hold her and to give her the love of a family that every child deserves.  So any funds raised in the beginning will go towards our adoption.  However, after our adoption is complete and should this project be successful, it is my prayer that I will be able to use the funds raised to help others.  If I see a need, I want to do my best to meet it.  I want to go on mission trips, help with, and donate to organizations and causes that I'm passionate about.  I have no desire to work for "things" but rather people and experiences.  That is what this project is about.  And to me, that is what life is about.

Here is an example of the necklaces...

They will soon be available for purchase.  Please follow @bethelightproject on instagram and watch for details as that will be the first place that I sell them.  You can also follow my page on Facebook by clicking here.  If you are not on IG or FB but would like more information on how to purchase one, please email me at Bethelightproject@gmail.com.  I am in the process of opening an Etsy shop as well.   

Guess what else? I'm also going to be giving some away!  

There are two ways you can win:

1. Go like Be the Light Project on Facebook and share this post.  Then, come back here and leave a comment along with feedback as to which necklace is your favorite.

2.  Follow @bethelightproject on Instagram.  Share this photo in your feed and hashtag it #bethelightprojectgiveaway

Winners will be randomly selected on October 21st.  Thank you and God bless you!

Dear Deacon: A Proud Momma Post

Dear Deacon,

You just snuggled up with me on brother's bed, and we belly laughed til it hurt.  This went on for about five minutes.  The harder you laughed, the harder I laughed, and I don't even know what started it.  But tears ran down my face as I took it in.  You have no idea how much joy you bring me.  I've been told many times that you bring it to others too, and I've seen with my own eyes how you can light up a room.  It's just like I imagined after I accepted and appreciated who God made you to be.  Only it's better.


You are at such a fun age.  You are growing, learning, talking, and entertaining more and more each day.  You started school this week.  It was a big milestone for you and for me.  It took quite a bit of letting go.  You wouldn't even be going to this place if I hadn't spoken up for you when you couldn't speak for yourself.  And it took some staring awkwardness in the face to make it happen, but when you came home yesterday identifying a circle and the letter "A", I knew I did the right thing and it was worth it.  YOU are worth it!

But I have to be honest...when I dropped you off Tuesday, I had some fears and some what-ifs. "What if you can't keep up with the other children physically? What if your teacher sees you as a burden? What if you stick your hand in your dirty diaper as you've been known to do? What if other parents don't know how awesome you are and are uncomfortable with you being in their kid's class? What if you take too big of a bite and choke on your food?" We all know I tend to be a worrier, and I thought of them all.  I was in the middle of telling your teacher some of my concerns when you slammed the little half-door in my face and said, "Bye, Momma!"  It was like you were saying, "Calm down Woman, I've got this!"  And you did.  Your teacher said you did great!  That night I found out she had been following you on Instagram and loved and prayed for you before she even knew you.  Tell me that's not a God thing?!  It's amazing how he works out even the smallest of details!

I love to see you blowing misconceptions of Down Syndrome out of the water one after another.  I know it's hypocritical, but even as your biggest advocate there have been areas where I doubted your abilities and you've proved me wrong too.  I must apologize for those times. You are constantly showing me that I should never underestimate, and I couldn't be more proud of you.  Thank you for being YOU, for showing me what life is all about, and for teaching me to appreciate differences.  I love you more than words can say.  I tell you all of the time, and you usually just pucker up your lips at me to show me you love me too.  But guess what? Today you said it back, and once again my Momma heart is full!

Now, let's go work a puzzle and sort some colors, because you are awesome at that too!

Much Love,
Momma