Happy Birthday, Baby Boy.

Dear Noah,

Eight years ago today, you changed my life forever.  Eight! I cannot believe you are turning eight today.  You need to stop. It is happening way too fast!

I never knew I could love someone so much until I held you in my arms.  That head full of hair. Those little fingers and toes. Your sweet little face. I was in awe of God's creation, and so thankful that He gave you to me.  You were the first one to ever call me Mommy.  The first one to need me. The first one to show me what love was all about. Let's take a look at the past eight years and some of your firsts.

First trip to Nonna & Poppa's house.

First photography "session". (You were the reason I became a photographer. I was so proud of these pictures.)

First trip to a pumpkin patch.

First Halloween. You were a turtle, by the way. For some reason nobody was able to figure that out. 

First Christmas.

First trip to the beach.

First birthday.

First time to be a big brother.  You are such a good big brother.

First trip to the zoo.

First tool set.

You were my first "Coffee party" partner. ;)

 It's amazing how fast eight years can go by, but I have enjoyed every minute of it.  I am so proud of who you are and the young man that you are becoming. You have an incredible love for Jesus, a heart as big as the moon, and a genuine love for others.  You are also so smart. Incredibly funny and sarcastic.  And you have a beautiful smile.  Thank you for eight wonderful years Bubba.  I look forward to many more.  I hope you have the happiest birthday ever!!!

Love,
Mom

A Heavy Heart

My heart has been heavy thinking of all of the loved ones in Oklahoma who were affected by the tragedy of the tornado.  And it is even heavier tonight thinking about a dear Friend who was killed in a tragic car accident on her way to church this evening.  It is bittersweet knowing that she is now standing face to face with her Maker and was reunited with her sweet husband who has only been gone a few months, but she has also left behind many grieving and hurting family members.  I have once again been reminded that we are not promised tomorrow, and I must not take one single moment for granted. Life is too short. Savor it.  Soak it in. Spend time with the ones you love.  You never know when it will be the last time you see them.

Here are a few moments I've savored over the past month and a half.

Family trip to New Orleans...

 Mother/Daughter Tea...

The coldest Field Day EVER...

  (Must have been one sour pickle. I love her face!)

Graduations, Parties, Sock Hops, and more...

And tonight I tucked my sweet baby boy in using the blanket that this dear friend handmade for us when Anna Grace was born.  I will cherish this little blanket forever.

Please pray for her family along with those in Oklahoma. May God be with them all during this difficult time.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Overwhelmed

I can't focus.  My mind is a in a blur.  So many thoughts in my head that I don't know which one to focus on first. I have pictures to edit, a house to clean, laundry to do, a trip to pack for, and for some reason I cannot seem to get any of it done.  I just keep thinking about our lives right now and what God is wanting for us.  Is it Singing? Preaching? Mission work? All of it?  I keep reading "Sell all you have and follow Me." What does that mean? Are we supposed to do that? Do we sell our house and downsize? Are we supposed to move out of Shreveport or stay here?  I don't know. I am trying to just "Be Still" and wait for God to show us. Of course I am having a hard time being still, because I want so badly to do something now. I don't want to just be consumed with thoughts of what I would like to do. I want to act on them.  I am praying, searching, asking for direction, and I feel like my prayers are so jumbled that they don't even make sense.  But I know that God understands my heart.  He is doing something to me and in me. I like it, but it's making me crazy. It's making me do things, write things, say things that I never pictured myself doing and that are outside of my comfort zone.  And when I say outside my comfort zone, I mean that I have always worried too much about what other people think, and typically I would not write, say, or share some of the feelings and thoughts that I have here lately with some of the people (even complete strangers) that I have shared with...for fear of rejection, fear of looking foolish, fear of failure to follow through with what I say.  Um, take this blog post for example. I don't even know what I'm saying right now.  I'm just thinking out loud and sharing my heart, because I can't seem to focus on anything else.  Some of what I have done lately,  I have seen how God was in it and why He gave me the courage to follow through with what I felt led to do.  And for other things, I am trying not to let feelings of foolishness creep up in me, and to just know that He has a reason for laying those things on my heart too.

I guess you could say that I have just been feeling very overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with a love for my God and Savior and a desire to give all I have to Him. Overwhelmed with a desire to reach "the least of these." Overwhelmed with gratitude for the life and the beautiful family that He has given me.  Overwhelmed by the change of heart that I have had since having Deacon.  But I have also been feeling unworthy, undeserving, and incapable of doing things that I know that God is calling me to do.  I had the opportunity to attend a Casting Crowns concert this past week.  I love the group and their songs.  We listen to them all of the time, and Dustin sings them in church.  But when I listened to the words of a lot of these songs last Thursday night it was like I was hearing them for the first time. Really hearing them. God was speaking to me through those songs.  One in particular that He used to speak to me about these particular feelings was "Voice of Truth." I know the song. Know it well.  I sing along every time I hear it, but I have never truly listened to it understanding what it meant.

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

My prayer is that God will allow me to put all of my fears aside, to listen only to "The Voice of Truth," and to not just tip-toe, but to take a giant leap out of my comfort zone.  And if God could just go ahead and email me a five-year plan, I would reeeallly appreciate it, because this unknown business is killing me! Yeah, I know He doesn't work that way, and there is a reason He doesn't allow us to know how, when, and why things happens sometimes. Until then, I am going to do my best to stay in His word, in prayer, and to serve where I am.  

Here are some verses that have stuck out to me lately.

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalm 55:22. 

"In all thy ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy path." Proverbs 3:6. 

"Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek and you will find; knock and it shall be opened unto you." Matthew 7:7.

And since I can't blog without pictures, I'll share a few more overwhelming moments.

Some that overwhelm me with fear. Fear of the future and the teenage years.  (Sister has been all into dressing up, wearing heels, wearing make-up, putting on fake tattoos, and get this...wearing a BRA! She is only 5! Please pray for me people. I'm scared!)

But mostly moments that overwhelm me with joy and happiness...

Dying Easter Eggs

Baking cookies for the home bound and shut-ins and delivering them. Oh, what a blessing!

 Big Boy's first egg hunt. He kept saying, "Ball". :)

 And this is the best we could do for a family Easter photo since there was a monsoon going on outside, but it still makes me happy.

Okay, well now that I have all of that off of my chest, I have a house to clean. Maybe now I can focus a little better. Thanks to whoever just listened. ;)